She knows that knowing what it is that she wants in a relationship is the best thing she can do for herself? She knows that when she matters to herself she begin(s) to matter to everyone else around her. And for the people she doesn’t matter to, well guess what she is healthy within and she finds the inner strength and courage to tell them to catch out and find a new road (ahhhh….yes a road with out her on it) lol
O.k. my love now, let’s focus on you and love in your life.
How do you know your ready to spread your heart open and share the love within yourself with another human being? How do you know it’s time for you to trust this person and make every workings of your heart available to someone else. Maybe you have decided for you that this is a time when you can choose healthy relationships that reflects the inner love, peace and knowing within, an awareness that says “you know who you are” and you can share that someone within you with another proudly, without fear, without feeling sad, helpless and hopeless. (when you go into relationships from a perspective of vulnerability) it more times than not invites others to take advantage of you and the relationship. So instead of choosing relationships that could be healthy and otherwise productive, you may find yourself in horrible relationships that leave you feeling alone, abandoned, rejected and helpless to do anything to bring the other person into a deeper connection with you. Thus keeping you repeating the destructive cycle and behavior patterns of the victim. My love I do not want this for you, so please listen. You don’t have to take my advice…..this advice can float to the wind if you so choose.
We have chosen a journey that allows You to become the person who no longer lives or dates from a place of fear, you find the strength in the still small voice within you and you know you can have, do and be any and everything that you choose in a relationship freely. Relationships get to the core of who we really are.
Relationships show us how we treat ourselves,
relationships show us the good and the bad within ourselves.
Relationships allow us to heal issues that we thought were done and over with.
Yes, it may take some work, but the good news is You become a victor! instead of a victim! you become the someone who communicates what she wants, someone who has a go getter attitude, someone who see’s challenges as an opportunity to learn a new way to do a new thing! 🙂
You become the someone who say’s ouch! that hurts! but finds the passion and desire to keep going no matter what is thrown within your path.
Okay, back on topic? thought and question for the day ????????????
When do you know you love someone? Yes, this is still the million dollar question
WHEN DO YOU KNOW YOU LOVE SOMEONE?????????
When you meet someone do you say right then and there “I’M SO IN LOVE?”
Is it when they know your first and last name and you know their first and last name? I should hope not! this is something that should only happen in grade school, we are all adults here and no one should be hopelessly madly in love with anyone and all you know is there name! you have no clue where they live (what their house looks like on the outside, let alone on the inside…..how do you know what type of lifestyle this person is living? Does he or she have dead people living in the basement? (oops, you don’t know; you have never been to his or her house)
We have grown past doodling and day dreaming. Its time to catch up with our growth spurut o.k. here is the growth processes! baby, adolescent, pre-teen, teenager, pre-adult, adulthood…..
O.k are you still with me?
Knowing each others names……………….. (In ADULTHOOD we call this a crush, interest or infatuation; and later if your not careful we will call it obsession! yes,….. this is normally an indicator that you have missed some steps in getting to know the object of your affections and now it has turned into something that is a obsession.
Take the time to get to know someone and allow the person to get to know you; before you go to writing the marriage date on your calendar and inviting all of your high school friends and beloved family members! Remember all you know is this persons name! This should be the grandeur of it all. I met someone (YAY!) his or her name is xoxoxoxoxox.
THAT’s IT! *you should not have mailed out the marriage invitations the next day. RELAX. SMILE. SOMEONE IS INTERESTED IN YOU! Now you can showcase your great personality, your healthy lifestyle, you can be interesting, loving, exciting, artistic, fun, adventurous….you can be your best self……because you are healthy……yes, you may still have some mountains to climb but you can climb the mountains without the cumbersome load of burdens, problems, fears and resentments etc.,
Now that you have met someone allow the connection or relationship to grow through healthy stages that allow you both to decide if this is the right connection for you both
Go out on dates (more than one, before you both end up swapping underwear and cooking breakfast in your kitchen at 1a.m. in the morning) and afterwards you both are full and satisfied with sexual gratification (did you know that sexual connection deepens a relationship. Intimacy is a benefit of having a mutually respect, love, care, understanding, satisfying relationship.., o.k you both met two weeks ago, the sex was great! it was all that!…..now your sitting by the phone……wait for it………wait for it…….wait for it………..
it’s three days to two weeks, now one month (maybe even years before you ever hear from this person again). Why?
*Most of the time this can happen because you did not allow the connection to deepen. The connection is superficial, and was only mutually satisfying and gratifying at the moment. Now there is space within your heart and it’s painful. Because you do not want to see the truth. You have turned a blind eye to the irresponsible way you used your choices and decisions. And more horrifying how you treated your body with lack of protection, due process and care. So rather than face the truth of your actions you tell yourself “Yes, he or she loves me”. But the pains and sadness reveals the truth to you. Your hurting…. And rather than heal and move to the next stage in your life, you cling on hopelessly, not willing to accept or be aware of the mistake that you’ve just made. It’s over and done! the person has moved on. Now it’s time for you to forgive yourself for not paying attention to the awareness that you should have gotten to know them better, you also must forgive the other person and let them go. Holding onto the memory is only keeping you stuck on this same unloving path.
Come on! Follow me….This is the way to move on and have the happiness that is yours for sure.
What happen to your spiritual connection to the person? What happened to your communication connections with the person, what happened to the nurturing and support received from well-meaning friends and family saying “Yes, It’s nice to meet you, be good to one another” (support from others to help your relationship to deepen? did you forget to add this into the equation?)
What about your likes and dislikes? You have your absolutely “I DO NOT LIKE THIS / THAT” and they have their absolutely “I DO NOT LIKE THIS / THAT” somehow you thought you both would change one another? this is not fair! you both say……”this is the way I was when you met me, and it was o.k. then” (what changed?) My guess is someone changed and the absolute “I do not like / this or that” is what came in to shake the relationship up.
Example: you like cats, your significant other hates cats….and wants you to make a choice either them or Blinky (whom you have had for 6 years) has to go? oh my what a dilemma…….yes, it pays to get to know if your likes and dislikes match up with a person. How do you know you ask? Simple. Ask. Yes, just ask before you start putting all of your emotions, thoughts, feelings, words and actions into trying to be with them…… Ask them before you get into bed with them, ask them before you say “I do”
Being brave enough to tell someone what you like or do not like. Being you is the most important thing you can do in a relationship! so if they do not like anything at all about you, you can say “Happy Birthday” “Merry Christmas” etc (the gift that keeps on giving) and walk away! no harm done, no love lost.
When you take the time to get to know someone and they take the time to get to know you, the relationship has more potential to become exclusive, because you and the other person is putting more of himself or herself into the relationship (which translates for the both of you as energy symbolizing that this relationship is important to us). Also you get to decide early on in the relationship if this person is right for you. Not just wishing and hoping that he or she is the one.
You should at least have 5 important questions you would ask someone when your considering getting serious with…. (this is not the I just met him on-line last night and he say’s he is in love with me) ohhhh, we are getting married in the morning, should I ask him now kind of questions
You are the one choosing the relationships and experiences that you are having. So if things are not looking well for the home team. It’s because this is what you are choosing. Relationships are the mirrors that shows us ourselves.
(now wouldn’t it be nice to have dinner with someone who knows your favorite foods, even better someone who knows what your favorite color is? and then this person is mindful to buy you a gift in that color you love so much? How about this? Someone takes the time to learn how you feel about certain issues and because you matter so much to them, he or she would never allow this issue to ruin their connection with you? Wouldn’t it even be better to share your life with someone who knows and understands all of your struggles and issues in life (trust me, these struggles and issues are not going to disappear on their own, and somehow you just felt you want to bring all those unhappy feelings, memories, thoughts, words etc., into a relationship to make someone else sad and miserable because you are sad and miserable.
(oh, you say….I just want someone to love me with all of my sadness……great! Then LOVE YOURSELF 1st with all of your sadness….work on your sadness and see if you can turn this sadness to happiness and then you don’t have to wait until someone comes into your life to make you happy because guess what “YOU ARE ALREADY HAPPY” and it really is a tall order for someone to come into your life to make you happy (they would spend a lot of their time just being controlled by you and seeking to please your every whim and need)
🙂 so when your happy and someone comes into your life of happiness they add more happiness to you and your life, and this gives you more reasons to celebrate etc.,,
So you meet a guy / gal who just got out of a bad relationship and you immediately want them to fall in love with you….. what may happen is your stuff and their stuff may some way or some how both of your fears may come piling up later in the relationship and ruin the relationship). Not saying this will happen for sure…..JUST MAYBE…, if you take the time to access what went wrong in the first relationship, accept responsibility for your hand in the broken relationship and then determine the things you are willing to change about your self to invite healthier relationships.
If you have issues that you know you should be clearing out of the way if you are going to enjoy a healthy, loving, supportive relationship, after all this is what you seek right?. I don’t know to many people who say “HECK, just give me any ole somebody, I just want to be in any abusive / destructive / near death experience relationship just so I can say I have a relationship.
Most people are looking for healthy loving relationships, they just don’t know really how to get there.
You can attract the kind of people to you that will reveal & mirror your inner issues. If you don’t feel safe enough to be vulnerable and open with this person STOP! this is a sign! something within you is saying maybe I can’t trust this person all the way with my heart! But, wouldn’t it be nice to meet someone who reveals true love and happiness within you?
Wouldn’t it be nice to talk on the phone with someone who knows that you snore, or who knows you like to do weird things with your food before eating it? Someone who knows that your goodness outweighs your gazillion flaws, but someone who knows your flaws and weaknesses and also accepts those and loves on those flaws / weaknesses. Someone who takes the time out of their day to say “Hey, babe what’s up?” “Yes, sweetheart I’am listening to you” “Hey, You Matter to Me” “Yes, I love you and trust you” “Hey, sweetheart do you need anything?”
Wouldn’t it be great to share your life with someone who is open, respectful, desirable, supportive, patient and understanding?”
O.k. Back on topic WHEN DO YOU DECIDE YOU ARE IN LOVE?
Is it when they celebrate a special occasion with you or you share a special occasion with them whether it be (thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays)? etc.,
How much does this person have to do or be there for you before you can decide that you love him or her?
Of course you would not be in love with someone who has never been there for you (and now you feel as alone as ever) Of course you would not be in love with someone and as of yet all you know is there name? Of course you would not be in love with someone you have not made any type of healthy connection (dates, family and friend support, spiritual support etc.,) with them would you?
Today love, decide when is it in your life you decide that you are in love with someone. Before you send out the wedding invitations at least make sure you connect at least 4 different connection points
family and friends
likes and dislikes
trust, respect, and caring
love, honesty and happiness
physically and sexually
Today live your best life of love, happiness, joy, peace, abundance, health, prosperity, excitement, and wealth.
I LOVE YOU